On Growing Up

Apparently, the ultimate adult is calm, rational and intelligent. The Ultimate Adult, we may emphasise, is always right. Not by virtue of knowing everything - no one can - but by being able to admit when they are wrong. Morally right, if you like. The Ultimate Adult does not lose their temper, does not hurt the feelings of others, is never caught out not knowing what to do.

We strive, all our lives, to this ideal. "Grow up!" is a common admonishment. "Childish" is an insult. Our favourite superheroes rescue the helpless - clearly, being one of the helpless is an undesirable state, we would rather be the superhero. 

But, you know, I think part of growing up is realising that hardly anyone so much as approaches the ideal of the Ultimate Adult. One need not look far to find instances of legal adults - as determined by age and ability to contribute economically, politically and socially - exhibiting typical "childish" behaviours. Even the accumulation of knowledge is not guaranteed with age. Ignorance, sometimes shocking quantities of it, is prevalent even among those who have had both the time and the opportunities to know better.

Do "adults" really exist? Or is everyone frightened, lost and fumbling on the inside, while putting up a collected appearance on the outside? Is this whole business of the Ultimate Adult just a complex game of one-upmanship?

I can speak for myself, that I don't feel like an adult. I'm old enough to decide on national issues, operate mobile mechanical deathtraps, and purchase orally-ingested mind-altering chemicals. I have an income, I pay rent and taxes, I plan and cook my own meals. If I fall ill, have to apply for a visa, have to apply for anything - I handle it, all by myself. I have to teach people who know less than myself. I am personally in charge of work which could cost my boss a lot of money, if something went wrong. I have responsibilities. 

And I'm still such a child on the inside. I'm frequently frightened, often lost, often helpless, often  anything but calm and level-headed. I'm silent at the wrong time and speak when I shouldn't.

They don't give you a handbook, about being an adult, but maybe there's nobody to write one.