So, I've been wrapping up the loose ends of Crunch Time. Much of it is done - I've exactly two more strings to tie up, and that's it.
And then it'll be time to fly off to Australia.
I'm terrified. I've never lived in another country for more than three weeks, and certainly not on my own. Certainly never for nine months in a country I've never been to before, where I'll have to cook, clean and take care of myself and four room-mates. Four room-mates who don't see what is wrong with taking the lift down one floor and who have been tended to by maids for the most of their lives. Oh lord, am I supposed to protect them all?
What will I take along? The Microns and the sketchbook come of course, but what about the watercolours? The compasses? Should I bring my favourite Bionicle set along with me for reassurance? Or should I leave him at home where he'll be safe? What do I do if I leave something important at home because I sure as heck can't go back for it? If I take my laptop with me, what do I do if it breaks down there? How will I manage without my home?
I'm not ready to leave. But I never will be. There'll come the day of the flight and the aeroplane will whisk me away and after that, then I'll be ready. And then I'll read this entry and laugh at what I used to be. I can't laugh now, because it's not funny now.
I'm dead, dead scared. I'm moving because it is the only thing to do, because time waits for no-one. More than anything I want to know that everything will be alright, but the future hurries for no-one, least of all me.
I wish this were all over.
5 comments:
OMG! You are flying to Australia? When? I think I vaguely remember yousaying something about it at our last meeting, but it didn't really register.
Why is everyone flying off? I want to get out od Singapore too!
I'm leaving in March next year and returning in November. I've already completed two-years worth of the degree course here in Singapore.
Eh, it's not so fun flying out. Foorrms...
what? Mrach? jusr when I have finally graduated (hopefully)? I am so sad.
I still envy you...
oh dear I hope you see this. I feel so bad for not reading it when you posted it. I felt the same way when I was leaving for the US, I understand how you feel! It's scary as all get-out but you manage. I thought I was going to die but I'm managing. You'll be fine. We all have faith in you. Just take things one step at a time and remember there are people who love you (:
I see it. I get email notification. :)
Yeah, well... Every time I was away from home on camp, I always cried on the first night. We'll see how this one goes.
I do know you guys are here for me. Believe me, it does make me feel a lot better. :D
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