Ruined FOREVER

This article on the Teletraan-1 wiki TFWiki resonated strongly with me (besides making me laugh like a maniac, that is). It certainly seemed to recall the sentiments of the ever-vigilant Bionicle fans, who speedily send out alerts at the slightest sign of Bionicle assuming a descending course. It also got me thinking - why do so many Bionicle fans believe their favourite fictitious universe is going downhill? Is it really going downhill? To answer these questions, I trawled through the latest "Bionicle Going Downhill" topics, braving bad grammar, heated opinions and poor logic, from there deriving the possible events which may have affected Bionicle negatively. And now, fresh from my learning journey, I present the top ten occasions which ruined Bionicle...FOREVER.

DUN-DUN-DUN-DUN!


1) When the Olda Went Nuva

Before this event, the most the Toa ever changed was when they formed Wairuha and Akamai; individually, their main physical alteration was through the acquisition of gold masks. The transformation into their Nuva forms represented the first significant physical change for the Toa, supplying them with new masks, new weapons and entirely-rebuilt bodies. Ever since then change has become the norm; our current Toa team Jaller and co already went through two physical transformations as Matoran, and two more as Toa (and this is unlikely to be the end of their changes).

One reason this was important is that it represented the first major shift in storytelling; instead of controlling the storyline dynamics by altering the type of enemies the Toa faced, it altered them through changing the Toa themselves. Another part of this was that each new transformation brought in new masks and new powers, eventually completely unrelated to the original twelve masks and elemental powers, as well as altered weapon and body designs. These frequent redesigns lead to - shall I say it? - increasingly ugly characters. In the past masks were simple, sculpted with the eyes, occasionally a mouth-part, and some random vents or tubes for cool factor. Nowadays, you can hardly tell where the face is. The other complaint is that with the glut of new masks and powers, the old masks and powers are losing their significance. These days, its not about what you can achieve with a Mask of Levitation and a Mask of Speed combined. It's about using Fate, Reanimation, and whatever other odd powers are out there. It's almost a form of cheating.

(Seriously, though. Reanimation. As in zombies. Braaaiins...)


2) When Books Came In

Okay, the books. Now they were probably a good idea - they fill in a lot of blanks which games and comics cannot cover, provide explanations for mysteries and allow for deeper characterisation of heroes and villains alike. They helped to bring the storyline closer to the fans. They fleshed out the Bionicle universe in far greater detail than a bunch of images, or even a movie, ever could have.

The problem started when blanks were deliberately left in the storyline to allow material for the books. Suddenly a significant portion of the year's story was available only in books which, unlike previous sources of information, were not readily available internationally and which were most certainly not free. Comics, once the mainstay of Bionicle storytelling, became disjointed and increasingly difficult to follow. There were no more full-length games like MNOG, which pretty much covered the main points for the storyline that year. An increasingly-complex storyline only served to complicated matters further. The result? Confusion. And that, of course, eventually lead to apathy in these confused fans. You can't love something if you can't even maintain a connection to it.


3) When We Stopped Counting in Sixes

In the beginning, there were six elements and six Toa. There were six Great masks and six Noble masks, six villages headed by six Turaga with six staffs of office. Later in the story six types of Bohrok came along, but they were defeated by the six Toa wielding six golden masks which were each formed from the powers of six Great Kanohi. These six Toa became six Toa Nuva, and along with their transformation six Nuva symbols appeared. These six Nuva symbols were stolen by six Bohrok-Kal and would have been used to open the six-sided Nuva cube, but fortunately Tahu stopped them with the extra Kanohi he had in his possession, the Mask of Time...

Wait, what?

Okay, so the Mask of Time wasn't a bad thing, even if it did look like it was crafted from Swiss cheese. (I heard a rumour that it was put in due to input from Bionicle fans. Hmm.) But then we have a special golden mask, for the Seventh Toa Who Will Save Us All. When we get to the Metru Nui prequel, we find the only Toa in attendance is Lhikan - all the others are dead, banished or mutated. And suddenly something about eleven Toa fighting a Kanohi Dragon comes up. Eleven, mind you! Not a multiple of six! And now we're told there are fifty-six Toa in all. Again, not a multiple of six.

This issue isn't so much about numbers as patterns. It used to be that the old format was maintained through each storyline - six heroes, one destiny, bad guys who will be defeated by the end of the year thanks to the combined heroism of the Toa and Matoran. Repair, rebuild, repeat. The challenge was to make each cycle interesting with added twists, such as the unexpected addition of the Bahrag, Makuta coming back, and so on. But now the story has veered from the pattern entirely. Toa could appear from anywhere, at anytime. The heroes can and do lose. Remember when Matoran didn't die/stay dead? Well, that's no longer true either. Matoran die all the time. So do Toa. Suddenly, so many possibilities have opened up. While this has allowed for more story, it's uncomfortable. The old universe we once knew, with its set rules and patterns, is now gone. Bionicle has become frighteningly like real life. That's not what we stayed for, six years ago on that Ta-Wahi beach.


4) When You Were Not the First Toa

Ahh, retrocons. Don't we all just love them? Bionicle has had more than its fair share of them, starting with the prequel Metru and Hordika arcs. It gets pretty annoying too, when a past you thought stretched out to one thousand years ago, tops, actually started one hundred thousand years ago... but that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about how suddenly, six new Toa were introduced from nowhere.

As I mentioned above, there used to be a pattern to things. One constant to the pattern was that there were only six Toa, period. These Toa could go Nuva or whatever other fancy changes, but it appeared that we'd always have Tahu, and Kopaka, and the rest of the gang.

But Vakama's line introduced the idea that they were not the first Toa or, to put it in a more significant light, not the only Toa. Since then all kinds of Toa have appeared in the storyline. At the moment the known teams are the Mahri, Hagah and Nuva, as well as some others still alive, but at one point there were 3000 Toa in existence. In plain terms... that's a lot of Toa. Throw in some personality changes due to transformation, and you've got what amounts to... even more Toa.

What did this all mean? Basically, a set of ever-changing main characters who were difficult to get to know, to get attached to, even if you kept your focus on the six/seven central Toa of the year. Once you figured out the dynamics of one Toa team and decided who you liked best, they went and changed again, or were replaced by an entirely new Toa team, or plain died. With all these Toa coming and going, it become hard to get attached to any characters, especially when favourite Matoran suddenly become Toa as well. Change is good, but too much change? Especially when fans are barely allowed to get acquainted with the characters? Now that's just depressing.


5) When Metru Nui was the REAL Homeland

In spite of Metru Nui being the real homeland of the Matoran, at least the more vocal fans don't seem to accept that anything but Mata Nui truly deserves to be called home. I tend to agree. Metru Nui was retroconned into the storyline. It's a nice city, but it's not where we started out.

The shift from Mata Nui to Metru Nui marked the first of several broader changes to the overall plotline. The most obvious was a departure from the tribal society of the Matoran, moving towards a more science-fiction feel with the introduction of projectile weapons, cities and advanced transportation systems, not to mention technological explanations for what were once taken as mystical occurrences. As I've explained before, a reason a storyline may lose fans is when it alters what was originally attractive to those fans. Well, for some fans part of the original attraction was that tribal, low-tech feel. Unfortunately, the trend of newer storylines doesn't suggest that this old feel will ever come back.


6) When They Started Making Ammo

Or, more precisely, when Kanoka appeared, in the 2004 Metru Nui storyline. Discs had been available before in the earliest toys, but there were only six and they weren't the main collectible of that year. In 2004 they were, and in fact every collectible since then has been a projectile for use with some sort of weapon.

Backtrack a little. The very first collectible, Kanohi, came in twelve different designs. Krana and Krana-Kal came in eight designs. Kraata had six design variations plus the special Shadow Kraata. Each of these designs came in multiple colours to enhance collectability.

Every single Kanoka had exactly the same design, with the only variation being colour. As did the Rhotuka. As did the Zamor. As did the recent Sea Squids. You getting my drift here? There has not been a really good collectible since the Kraata. In fact, the later collectibles have been becoming even less collectible, being produced in fewer colours.

It's kinda sad, really. In the old days fans would trade and buy for the sake of a complete collection. Nowadays there's really nothing to brag about if you've got every single colour of Sea Squid.


7) When Articulation Became the Norm

Okay, so articulation doesn't seem to be the real problem, and let's be honest, articulation in toys is a good thing... What fans really seem to be worried about is a change in the way sets are built. Part of it is that sets used be challenging to put together, even with a small number of pieces. They also used to be assembled from familiar old pieces found in other Technic sets. Nowadays, pieces are customised specially for characters. It's... cheating, I suppose? The view is apparently that, if pieces are going to be custom-molded, the set might as well be replaced by an action figure.

The reason pieces have to be customised so much nowadays is the increasingly organic designs of their characters. Let's face it, it isn't possible to build spines with Technic pieces (well, you could, but you would need a lot of pieces and the result would be a Titan). Unfortunately, these organic designs are a complaint in themselves. It is certainly different from the mechanical sensibilities of older sets.

And then there are the gimmicks, like the light-up weapons and glowing skulls of the Inika, not to mention increasingly creative canister designs. While these aren't really an issue, what they may be contributing to the overall price, is. Bionicle sets have been getting steadily more expensive, at a rate which can't entirely be due to inflation. For those who don't like gimmicks and don't care what the canister looks like, the price hike would seem unfair.


8) When Values Stopped Mattering

Amazingly, Bionicle villains had values. The Bohrok largely left the Toa alone as long as they did not interfere with their mission. Even the supposedly evil-beyond-redemption Makuta didn't tear up Takanuva the minute he met him; instead, he proposed a Kolhii match. The Toa Metru Onewa, Whenua and Nuju were not slaughtered after their capture, merely locked up. While the Bionicle villains were evil, and willing to cause mass destruction, there seemed to be an element of decency in their operations.

Roodaka seemed to be the first villain willing to break this mould; she was openly cruel and manipulative. The Piraka were willing to fire on each other, never mind at the heroes, and the Barraki have shown to be even harsher - Pridak blinded one of Kalmah's eyes and Takadox has hypnotised Carapar for years. Decency is completely out of the window.

Is it a coincidence then that the three values Unity, Duty and Destiny have not made an appearance for years? I'm not one for preaching, but those Virtues, and the accompanying Principles, seemed to give the Matoran meaning for what they do, for what they fight for. But that's been gone lately. It just seems that a part of Bionicle - a fairly big part, considering the importance of the virtues in the Mask of Light saga - simply disappeared.

Where would Bionicle be without the rallying call of "Unity! Duty! Destiny!"?


9) When it Turned Out Makuta is a Species - Wait, What?

If there is any villain in Bionicle who has been overused, it is Makuta. He's been there from the beginning, involved in every single major plot in Bionicle. The Rahi and Rahkshi attacks were of course controlled by him, but so was the early release of the Bohrok. The Great Cataclysm was his doing. Roodaka was acting on his behalf. The Piraka's decisions were under his subliminal influence; Zamor spheres consisted of his essence. Oh, and he's still around, by the way, disguised as Maxilos.

And now it seems that there's a whole gang of them.

This isn't so much about brand dilution. Makuta has received far too much character development to lose his significance so easily, and in being the leader of the Brotherhood of Makuta, he has if anything proven he is more awesome than before. What has happened is a sudden complexity in the storyline. Factions are coming in left, right and center, with their own island bases. There's now a humongous backstory behind everything. Did you know that the Barraki first put the idea in Makuta's head to overthrow Mata Nui? Or that Takua was really a Matoran of Light? Oh, and by the way, there was once this organisation called the Hand of Artakha...

Compounded with much of this story being told through books (see point #2 above) and dispersed across a variety of media, it is becoming increasingly hard to keep track of everything. The return of the BIONICLEsector01 wiki has at least provided a centralised location for all this information, but it still requires a lot of heavy reading to keep up with the story. While there are fans who are willing to do this, there are also those who can't or won't. A storyline which becomes too complex can only be expected to alienate some of its original fans.


10) When They Started Answering Our Questions

The ability to ask Greg Farshtey questions about the storyline, questions which would actually be honestly answered, was both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, it has enabled us to know far more about the intricacies behind the story than we ever would have. (There may even have been a reverse effect, with the story being fleshed out further to answer certain questions. This is pure speculation of course.) On the other hand, maybe we didn't actually want to know?

I'm going to have to refer to something I wrote again - I said before that when there are gaps in the storyline, fans like to fill them with a version of events they like. If someone happens to ask a question about this gap from Mr. Farshtey, and it fits into the fan's personal canon, the fan is happy. If it doesn't, on the other hand, well...

And no, it isn't any use saying "If you don't like the storyline, write fanfiction." Fanfiction-writers want to be in tune with the story. Their writings are an exploration of the plot landscape, but they don't always want to deviate from it. A fan is, after all, a fan. They are supposed to embrace the fictitious universe whole-heartedly. Fans do want details, but they want details which fit in with their perceptions of what would make a good story. Selfish but true.

I'm not blaming anyone here, least of all Mr. Farshtey who has been amazingly patient with fans. Certainly no one could have foreseen the effects of knowing too much. But once you challenge a fan's idea of how the story goes, some unhappiness must be expected. And providing any kind of information, especially storyline and character details, will inevitably challenge someone's perceptions, somewhere. Equally inevitably, it will satisfy some other fans for whom the new information fits with their idea of a good story, or even surpasses it. And this last group will want to know more, right up to the point they find out something they don't like. It's human nature, but is this "Ruined Forever" issue about anything but human nature?


Because that's what this is all about. I have named ten points which supposedly ruined Bionicle forever, but did they really? Some of them are annoying, yes. Some were the turning points at which the old story we knew became a different kind of story. Some changed the dynamics of Bionicle fandom forever. But...ruined? I arranged my points in a roughly chronological order according to when they happened. If Bionicle really was ruined for the entire fanbase, some of these offences wouldn't even have been able to occur. But Bionicle is still here in spite of everything.

For I believe that whether one sees Bionicle as going uphill or downhill depends entirely on perception. There are impartial indicators such as sales figures, and they indicate success as far as we've been told. Gauging how much it succeeded for you depends on what you want from it. If you wanted a good-versus-evil story set in a tribal community... sorry. If you wanted underwater fights and lots of detailed backstory, then you must be very happy right now. If organic-looking sets are your thing, then Bionicle is definitely going uphill.

If you're like me, who just wants a good story with a few souvenirs (read: sets) thrown in, what you see is equilibrium. It's not going uphill or downhill, but it's travelling, level as the ground may be. And that's all I ask.

So let's all turn to the real point at which Bionicle was ruined forever: when Lego tried to make money from it. Ever since they did that, Bionicle has been completely ruined, with the storyline sacrificed to cater to newbie fans who don't understand the true spirit of Bionicle. At all. Why, every true Bionicle fan knows that if Bionicle had stayed centered on one island with the same enemy every year...


Final Thoughts

Wow, this is a long essay. I'm almost afraid to perform a word count...
...3210 words. Quaint.

I enjoyed writing this, because in finding out why fans dislike changes in Bionicle, I've come to realise what I love about it. I've also realised that time fuels acceptance. Do you know that I used to dislike Vahki?

Besides, in researching this article I had to re-watch the old Bionicle movies. Fans, if you ever feel yourself losing faith, watch the movies again - the Flash movies if you must. They will recall to you what you once loved. For while new legends awake, old lessons must be remembered...

This is the way, of the Bionicle.

(Edited 5 October 2008)

And Coming in at Number 75...

Or, Update XIII. Because 13 is unlucky and stuff.

So... Feeling a lot better now. Part of blogging is for catharsis, and writing about things tends to put them in order.

I was thinking about evil twins, and I've come to the conclusion that they would do better if the whole Spot the Imposter thing was skipped. I mean, come on. It is always painfully obvious who the evil one is, even if it doesn't sport a goatee. Because, you know, evil twins are supposed to be, I don't know, evil? And then the audience has to watch everyone else bungle around trying to figure out who the imposter is, when anyone with the slightest bit of sense would have spotted them from the outset.

No, better to skip all that and go straight to the real reason evil twins are a threat: they usually have similar skills to the good guy, so all the old favourite tricks don't work. The good guy has to really think about how the evil twin should be defeated. And that makes for a great story. This is probably the reason why KARR is such a great evil twin. (Well, that, and the fact that KARR is so deliciously devious and yet endearingly naïve.)

So... If you ever set up an evil twin story, please, please skip that hey-who's-the-real-hero routine. It's lame. Really.

Okay, so... You know the game, Minesweeper? Pretty much every modern Windows machine has a copy of the game. It stands up there with Solitaire as one of the most stereotypically common games ever.
Fanfiction.net has a section for Minesweeper.
They were right. The Internet really does have everything.
...There's a Minesweeper movie trailer too.

While browsing deviantART the other day, I came across this.
SO COMPLETELY TRUE. Even when I watched the film at the tender age of five, I thought the Beast was way handsomer than that man-person he turns into at the end. I guess even then I was tired of the prettyboy-prince-who-always-gets-the-girl stereotype, and was gratified to see a more imperfect character find happiness. And was subsequently annoyed when this original twist was ruined by reverting to the same old boring stereotype at the end.

Besides, the Beast had a nice deep voice, while the Prince... ugh.

In real-life news, Halloween was fairly fun. No one in my class dressed up, but we had a candy party. One classmate ate half a box of Gobstoppers without realising it. Though that may have been partially due to the very frustrating piece of software we had to deal with that day. (Seriously, if you are going to work freeware into a lesson, make sure it is easily downloadable and compatible with common operating systems first.)
...Squeee!

One more thing. It's Guy Fawkes Day.

Remember, remember, the Fifth of November,
The Gunpowder Treason and Plot,
I know of no reason
Why Gunpowder Treason
Should ever be forgot.

Try not to set fire to anything.

Hour Zero

So, I've been wrapping up the loose ends of Crunch Time. Much of it is done - I've exactly two more strings to tie up, and that's it.

And then it'll be time to fly off to Australia.

I'm terrified. I've never lived in another country for more than three weeks, and certainly not on my own. Certainly never for nine months in a country I've never been to before, where I'll have to cook, clean and take care of myself and four room-mates. Four room-mates who don't see what is wrong with taking the lift down one floor and who have been tended to by maids for the most of their lives. Oh lord, am I supposed to protect them all?

What will I take along? The Microns and the sketchbook come of course, but what about the watercolours? The compasses? Should I bring my favourite Bionicle set along with me for reassurance? Or should I leave him at home where he'll be safe? What do I do if I leave something important at home because I sure as heck can't go back for it? If I take my laptop with me, what do I do if it breaks down there? How will I manage without my home?

I'm not ready to leave. But I never will be. There'll come the day of the flight and the aeroplane will whisk me away and after that, then I'll be ready. And then I'll read this entry and laugh at what I used to be. I can't laugh now, because it's not funny now.

I'm dead, dead scared. I'm moving because it is the only thing to do, because time waits for no-one. More than anything I want to know that everything will be alright, but the future hurries for no-one, least of all me.

I wish this were all over.

Update XII: At Least it's Not an Oxymoron

So... I guess I should post something, huh?

Time hasn't been very spare with me lately. (When is it ever, really?) Another of those crunch-time moments is coming up soon. Part of it is voluntary, but... You know, "voluntary" is a loaded word. No one ever does anything for no reason. There's always honor, or morals, or... something. And those things are as compelling, if not more so, as a paycheck.

It occurs to me that I love to help people - in a way, do voluntary work. And it doesn't have to be important stuff - I've put aside my homework before to help someone finish a computer game. I've always thought that this was because I love challenges, but now... I'm starting to wonder if it is a form of self-validation. That I'm afraid I'm of no real use to anyone, and I have to continuously work for others to prove my place in the world.

That's would certainly explain why my failures cost so much emotionally.

Okay, so... we were watching MythBusters yesterday. (Well, my father and brother was watching. My drawing table has a decent view of the television, so I glanced up every now and then.) There was this one myth about Western movies, where one guy hitches up the window grille of a jail cell to a horse and pulls the bars out for his companion can escape. So the MythBusters people built up an old-style jail cell wall with railroad ties, the way they used to be built, put in a window grille, tied a rope from the grille to a horse and tried to pull it off.

The thing is, they were doing it entirely wrong. See, their idea was that you have to break part of the wall to get out the bars, so they tied the rope in a loop around all the bars. (That got them nowhere - even a truck they used to replace the horse started to pull the entire wall along with the grille.) But in Westerns, the rope is always tied around the middle bar only. The idea here is to bend the bars, so their width reduces and the entire grille can be pulled out easily, with little to no damage to the wall. The show entirely missed that out.

Now I'm not saying that tying the rope to the middle bar would have guaranteed that the grille could be pulled out. I'm saying there would have been a better chance of doing so. Besides, that would have been more authentic to the myth which the show was trying to test in the first place. I guess what I mean is that MythBusters is just a commercial programme, and its findings should not be taken to represent the whole truth.

In other news... this doesn't surprise me. I mean it does a little, but not by much. Half of us never check food labels anyway, and when there are fewer people doing something, there are fewer who can bring up issues with them, so it does make sense that food labels are not written in a manner consumers can understand.
(Note that the study size was quite small, so I would take its findings with a pinch of salt in any case.)

Now this, on the other hand, is mind-boggling. Also, reason #255 not to believe dieticians.

Webcomics round-up:

Friday's Megatokyo is an exercise in hilarity. Not just mild amusement, but full-blown, full-page comedy. And that's great.

El Goonish Shive gets a severe case of plot twist.

In Sluggy Freelance...
...
Darn! Why didn't I figure that out earlier!

I was happy to see Star Cross'd Destiny start up again. I hate it when stories die away... so much lost potential. Also, no ending. A start and no end - that's like someone disappearing and you don't ever find out what happened. No closure.
Anyway, SXD started up again, and we're finally back to where we left off. It should be interesting to see how this plays out.

Till next time.

Forms, Forms, Forms

For those still not in the know, I'm winging off to Australia in late February to complete my university education. And you know what that means?

FORMS.

Course applications. Housing applications. Tuition grant deferment applications. Visa applications. Application applications. Address, full name, various telephone numbers ten times over. The fields I'm never sure how to answer. The fields I can't answer because I lack the necessary information. And I'm supposed to believe that some day, somehow, all these forms will be complete?

That's a lot of faith there.

I wish I had the ability to fast-forward past these weeks of anxiety to the point of time when everything will be nicely wrapped up. Then again, if I were cheating I might as well fast-forward to when I'm dead. There isn't much point to life if you don't live it.

Anyway! School restarted yesterday, with the same class as last semester. I was hoping we'd finally get a classroom with windows facing outside... no such luck. The only advantage, as far as I can see, is that we have a clear view of the lift lobby, and can keep tabs on everyone arriving at our floor.

Speaking of lifts, the lift logic in this block is worse than ever. I'm on the sixth floor, and all lifts already at the seventh or fifth floors refuse to respond. It's always the first-floor lifts which take the call. Always.

Stupid lifts.

But our classroom is otherwise quite nice - it's a new room, opened up only this semester for our use. Thus the carpet is pristine, the walls are pure white and the chair cushions are springy. Also, they lack curry stains. And... other stains. Um, right.

The best news, though, has to be that the last experiment for my Final Year Project is scheduled for tomorrow. Once that's done there'll be one whole ton of stress off my shoulders. Ahh, freedom. I can almost taste it.

...Enough of that. For now, a roundup of some of the more interesting recent webcomic updates:

• In Something Positive, Davan once again proves he's the master of the witty comeback.
• Sluggy Freelance gets out of draggy mode with a plot twist. (Phase 2? Perhaps!) Also, Riff's shoulder angels continue to amuse, even while highlighting that a notion of right or wrong depends on perspective.
• Exterminatus Now is, for the first time, serious.
  And it's still funny.
• The latest Lil Formers strip makes me wonder what sort of person would want to lick a robot in the first place. Do they even have a flavour?
• In No Need for Bushido, Yori shows that he can be competent, not just by hurting Ryoku but also by successfully applying Cho's advice. Good on him!

And finally, a random fact of the day: I dislike bananas, but love banana cake.

Till next time.

Bang and Bounce

On the subject of time-wasting, IndestructoTank! is one of the more unusual of such games out there. The premise is simple: you, the player, control an indestructable tank. Your aim is to destroy as many enemies as possible by ramming into them and gain experience points; you must obtain a certain amount of experience points before your steadily-decreasing fuel runs out. Fail, and the tank blows up. (Not so indestructable after all.) There are five enemies encountered in the game, all with varying point values, weapons and movement speeds.

The game has several unique features. One is the controls; the player can only move the tank left or right, using either keyboard arrow keys or a Wiimote. In order to launch the tank upwards, the tank must run into either an enemy missile or the enemy itself, creating a blast which propels the tank into the air. It is possible to perpetually keep the tank in the air, "juggling" from enemy to enemy, though points are obtained only if the tank lands on the ground.

Another feature is the "store" concept, where players can spend points accumulated during the game. The difference here is instead of purchasing weapons or upgrades, the points are used to buy enemies. That's right - you spend points to ensure that the next level will have more enemies for you to blow up in new and interesting combinations. (As a matter of fact, winning the game requires buying out the maximum possible frequency of all five enemies.) The strategy element comes from deciding what enemies to increase in number. The standard slow-firing Bomber? The aptly-named Bouncer with the rebounding missiles? Or perhaps the Miner, which can only travel on the ground? All enemy types have their own advantages and annoyances, and picking the right mix of enemies is necessary in order to clear each successive level.

Special features aside, even the more conventional aspects of the game do not disappoint. The graphics, while not overwhelmingly eye-catching, are actually fairly complex, and allow various enemies and missiles to be distinguised from each other at a glance. The mountainous backdrop is sufficiently varied, using fluctuating mountain heights and cloud patterns to avoid monotony. There is only one music track for all the levels, but it is suitably low-key and does not detract from the action.

Something I've noticed with many independantly-created timewasters is that they have great graphics, a great premise, superb graphics... and terrible game physics. IndestructoTank! suffers from no such problems. The movements of the tank are fluid, responding easily to the controls, and act in a reasonably realistic manner. Even slight control manipulations can make a big difference, allowing for precise actions in-game.

One of the few drawbacks of the game is that every time it is loaded afresh, the player must go through a forced tutorial. While commendable in getting new players to understand what they are playing before they try it out, it gets annoying for repeat players.

Also, the high scores lists don't work anymore thanks to some hackers, curse them.

Nevertheless, this is a great timewaster, perfect for those moments when you have lots of work to do and don't want to get on it just then. Simple, addictive and with just a little thinking required - one of the best games of its genre.

Time Wastage

So it occurs to me that I'm spectacularly good at wasting time - or whiling it away, as the occasion calls for it.

Take the last few days. I've been coming in at seven-thirty in the morning to do labwork and finishing up at around two in the afternoon. (The actual duration of course varies with the nature of the work, the available manpower and the number of mistakes made by said manpower.) My ride home is at five in the afternoon. For anyone with a rudimentary grasp of arithmetic or calculator usage, that means three hours of spare time in school and away from chocolate supplies, art materials and other home conveniences.

What is to be done then, with this spare time? These are the possible options:

1) Finish up daily lab reports.
2) Go to the library and read a book.
3) Pig out at one of the canteens.
4) Do stuff on the internet.

The first takes an hour on the outside, leaving two more as spares. The second is a poor option because I make it a point to avoid non-fiction books as much as possible (they trigger flashbacks of the last few weeks before the O' Levels) and I haven't been able to find the fiction section in our school library. The third is a ridiculous exercise in wasting health and money. Therefore the last is usually what I resort to.

And considering that I can eat up two hours effortlessly simply by surfing the internet, I think we may have a serious problem.

It's not that there's actually that much to see. Although the internet is a very large place, hardly 0.01% of it is likely to fall into my range of interests at all, and when we factor in the fact that I actually have to be aware of a site of interest in order to visit it, the number of websites available for two hours of browsing drops significantly. Adjust for sites which are rarely updated, sites which I've decided to boycott and moods wherein I simply don't feel like visiting a certain page, and the number drops further.

The internet does, however, provide numerous ways of amplifying the time spent on a single site. Wikipedia, for instance, has a link at every other word, and so a single keyword could lead to twenty pages browsed in a single sitting. Archives are another trap - be it comic archives or Something Awful's index of Photoshop Phriday topics, they provide a library of multiple instances of certain media the internet user might enjoy, even if these archives have been perused multiple times. And of course mindless online games are a well-known draw into repeating one set of actions over and over again for an imaginary reward.

But perhaps the most insidious of time-wasting sites are those which require input from the user, particularly thoughtful input, because as we all know thinking takes time when carried out properly and sometimes even when it's not. Blogs are a prime example of this, and...

...Dammit.