Excess

Last year, through a combination of stress, stress-eating and a hitherto unsuspected food addiction, I gained 10 kilograms over the space of nine months, catapulting me into the "obese" category. This year, I tried to shed them.

I had tried to address my weight in the past, but it never really stuck. I think it was partially because food consumption was a major coping mechanism for me (see "food addiction" above), and the more out-of-control my physique became, the more ashamed and helpless I felt about it. Also unhelpful were the comments from friends urging me to eat more, suggesting that I eat something highly fattening "just this once", or who told me that I shouldn't call myself overweight. Perhaps they meant well, but they eroded away at my resolve, made it harder to control my diet, made me question if I was doing the right thing.

And then there were the worst, the very worst, the allegedly good, supportive friends who fat-shamed me to my face. Perhaps they thought they were being helpful, that the blunt criticism was expected of a close friend, but all they did was make me feel defensive, inadequate, a failure. 

On reflection, perhaps the sort of attitude I desired from my friends was silence. In my own (accurate) estimation, I was unhealthy. I didn't want it pointed out to me, but I didn't want an excuse not to deal with it, either.

My father - who has long been my rock - gave me the key to pushing my weight down. He suggested that I record my weight daily. Of my own accord, I also started recording what exercises I had done that day. And somehow, somehow that worked. The mere fact that I was accountable - that I would have to admit, even if to no-one but myself, that I skipped exercise or stopped losing weight - gave me control, and the will to reduce my weight. I began to monitor my caloric intake, calculating how much I could have per day, how much was in my food, which put me even more in control. Granted, focusing on calories alone is a bad idea - if one plans on fulfilling ones' caloric requirements solely through consumption of, say, pure unsalted butter, a very unhappy future awaits - but the mere fact that I was paying attention to the contents of my food was significant. I learned which foods were high in calories, which foods were extremely high in calories, which foods appeared healthy but were in fact extremely energy-rich, and which foods would fill me up without a major nutritional contribution. I reduced my sugar intake, and got used to the taste. (I took aspartame only occasionally - I'm not a huge fan of the odd, synthetic flavour.)

I did make sure I had a balanced diet. I had long gotten over my childhood dislike of vegetables, and I could eat a lot of them without going over my caloric restrictions. I rotated between different protein sources each week - chicken, fish, beef, tofu. I had a daily chocolate ration - chocolate is extremely rich in iron, which justified the intake - and I allowed myself dessert, either modified to be low-fat or in small portions. I ate four times a day, at roughly four-hour intervals, but would skip or reduce a meal if a previous one had been heavier than usual. I made sure that my weight-loss was gradual, about 0.5 to 1.0 kg a week.

And, well - it's working. I've lost ten kilograms over the course of three months. I've been exercising every day. My body looks better, and feels better. I used to have food cravings all the time, but now I rarely get them.

And I'm shocked at how much less I'm consuming. How much my grocery bill has gone down, how little I really need in order to survive. There had been so much excess. So, so much excess, and it was making me miserable.

It's not over yet. I wasn't exactly a healthy weight to begin with, last year, so there is still some distance to go. I still have to deal with lack of support from others, from people asking to meet up at fast-food restaurants or otherwise pushing unhealthy food on me. But I'm not helpless anymore. I know what to do, I know how to lose weight, and for the first time in years I'm not ashamed of my own body.

I disapprove of fat-shaming. I was on the receiving end of it, and it had a horrible effect on me. But I think that anyone who suspects they might be unhealthy - not overweight, because it is possible to be weight a lot while being perfectly fit, and BMI can be extremely misleading, but unhealthy - should try and do something about it. It can be difficult to find out what works, since health is such a terribly individual thing, but I think it is worth the effort.

Made It

I have been unforgivably neglectful of this blog. However, I did have good reasons. As of today, barring the graduation ceremony, I am a doctor! (The PhD variety, not the other kind.)

I don't really know what to think, it's all so unreal. I fought hard for this day, and just like that, it's over.

Now it's time for the rest of my life, I suppose?

Culture, Cuisine and the Occult

Aww man, it's already November, where did the year go? Also, apparently I've only posted here five times previously this year, this is a new low.

I watched The Martian in the cinema shortly after it came out. It was a thoroughly brilliant and enjoyable film. I don't think 3D viewing added much (I have yet to view a film where it did), but it was not terribly distracting, either. I am also stupidly proud to have known of Andy Weir before he became famous (I have been a longtime fan of Casey and Andy).

I think its slightly less meaningful to be stupidly proud of any Homestuck alumni, since Homestuck was a force of nature, but I do remember when Toby "Radiation" Fox was relatively nobody. If video games cannot be art, then what is Undertale? For example, without Undertale, this cinnamon butterscotch tart would not have existed.

(Recipe available here - all I changed was to cut the amount of whipped cream topping in half, and use sweet potato flour instead of cornstarch. Also, I suggest allowing the tart to sit in the refrigerator overnight before consuming.)

Contrastingly, spaghetti recipes (for that animate skeleton in your life) are not difficult to find, but this one for Tagliatelle al Ragu Bolognese is my favourite.

Overall, this has been a good year for independent artists. Scott Cawthorn's Five Night's at Freddy's survival horror series, which I have been following vicariously through Let's Plays since I am a huge coward, will be getting a film adaptation from Warner Bros. Pictures. I'm ...not sure if I will overcome my fear long enough to watch the film. Or even the trailer. I enjoy horror prose, as embodied by the SCP Foundation, but visual elements are...harder to ignore.

On the subject of prose, I recently came across the satirical works of Saki, which are freely available via Project Gutenberg. The style rather reminds me of Jane Austen's, but with a mostly masculine viewpoint and greater usage of biting social commentary. Saki's heroes are witty and intelligent, contrasting with their dull, greedy, self-centered antagonists, although over-cleverness is not rewarded either.

My recent readings have included Charles Stross's works. I loved the Laundry Series from about a page into the The Concrete Jungle. The protagonist works for "The Laundry", an organisation very much like the SCP Foundation in function and scope, but with a distinctly British flavour to contrast with the Foundation's faintly North American air. The stories read like detective fiction, in which the protagonist has to figure out what new supernatural creature is involved in the latest case and how to defeat the creature, and any humans who might be assisting it. However, the sheer delight of these stories is how the paranormal is described in terms which allows it to fit into the known scientific world. Equoid is particularly wonderful in this regard. (Note that Equoid is mildly unsafe for work, and very much unsafe for sleep if read immediately prior.) The novella's explanation for the appearance and behaviour of a certain mythical being is fleshed out with gradual, creeping horror, small details inexorably building a final, sickening picture. At the tale's conclusion, I felt both ill and enlightened.

Returning to video games, I think A Very Long Rope to the Top of the Sky is another strong contender for the video-games-can-be-art argument. It's a thoughtful game, deconstructing some video game tropes while playing into some others. It's also, frankly, underrated. Perhaps the long title, somewhat subpar graphics and plodding pace put off some players. It is a long game, and it takes a while for its true brilliance to be apparent, but it is very much worth playing until the end.

This was another edited stream-of-consciousness post. It's almost the only type of post I write. Also, I'm not good at closing paragraphs, possibly for the same reason. My mind certainly doesn't stop, not just yet, so how should this prose end?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!

A very happy 50th birthday to Singapore! And well done to everyone involved with the parade, it was fun and nostalgic and brilliant.

Also, to whoever chose Departure to the Front Lines from the Naruto Shippuden soundtrack to accompany the mobile column, I LOVE YOU.



I am unashamed to be a weeaboo.

Congratulations, Singapore!!

IRL

I had a weird moment when this song started playing on FM 92.4.



I first heard it on YouTube, so it was startling when it starting playing off a real, physical radio. As if the fourth wall had broken.

(The Piano Guys' Oogway Ascends remix is pretty great too.)

(the rain could not hide our tears)

Dear Mr Lee,

Thank you. For being the strong leader Singapore needed, back in those tumultuous days, unimaginable to my generation, when everything was uncertain. Thank you for your honesty and directness. Thank you for setting a standard for future generations to follow. You were strict and firm but ultimately benevolent, and that was exactly what this country needed.

Today, the skies cried over your coffin. The nation grieves together. Tomorrow, we carry on. We will do our best to build something you would have been proud of.

Thank you, and rest in peace.

Distracted Driving

This is kind of brilliant. It's a video summarising an article published in the New England Journal of Medicine, about distractions which affect novice and experienced drivers.

 
Link to the original journal article.

The animators obviously had fun (love the brick joke with the ninjas), but what's more pertinent is that the study was presented in a manner which could be easily understood by anyone. I think it's important for journals to reach out to common man, because their staff actually understand the subject matter and know how to discuss it in an accurate manner (Dr Jeffrey Drazen, who narrated the above video, is actually the Editor-in-Chief of NEJM). Media such as reputable newspapers and news programs are better sources of scientific information that, say, certain celebrities who are not qualified to discuss vaccination, but may still unintentionally misrepresent facts or make exaggerated claims. While we're discussing it, science textbooks aren't perfect sources of information either. Especially the ones which present tongue maps as being accurate.

I'd like it if journals articles became more accessible to the public. Open access is a step in the right direction, and easy-to-understand summaries are helpful when the original article is too technical for a lay audience. Perhaps this is a maverick proposal, but I'd like secondary school students to have some experience reading real journal articles. I think it's important to expose students to the terse, specific style of scientific writing as early as possible, get them used to the idea of reading primary sources and not the rehashes presented in textbooks and newspapers, get them used to writing in a succinct yet informative manner. Maybe I'm overestimating the attention span of the typical student, but I only learned - properly learned - to write scientifically when I was doing my Honours degree, thanks to my supervisor's patient tutelage. What would have happened if my supervisor was less than ideal?

I guess I'm just sad that there's a substantial proportion of the population who lack the capability to keep up with the very cutting edge of science. Knowledge should be for everyone.